My Love

So there's this wonderful guy named Jualez I met exactly 7 months ago. He is my boyfriend, my best friend, my lover, and my world. Even though he means more to me than anything in this universe I am scared of him.
Every time I grow attached to someone they leave. When they leave I get depressed. When I get depressed I turn into a zombie. I think that stupid phase people go through sometimes when they found the right person and get scared has hit me. I think that some times girls do stupid shit like go out with assholes because they know what to expect. We know what to expect from an asshole. I think we fear finding a good man because we will fall extra hard; and if we were ever to lose Mr. Perfect we would lose our minds. I know if I lose Jualez I would go fuckin crazy. I'd most likely be institutionalized. I have never met anyone like him and I don't think I ever will. I'm kind of crying right now, and it's hard for me to find the words to express how I feel.
I have never met someone so perfectly compatible with me. I have never found someone I can be completely open with and in return he be completely open with me. I have never found someone who I didn't have awkward silences with. It's ridiculously easy and I'm not used to anything being so effortless that it scares me. I love his outspokenness and how loving and caring he is. I wrote this stupid "Letter to the Universe" on my laptop asking for the perfect guy and after I started going out with him I was like oh shit when I read it again because he was literally everything I asked for.
I thought about something he said to me earlier, "When I love someone I give 110% and you risk getting hurt when you love someone." I will stop acting like a douche and do just that. I love him too much to lose him. I want to care for him and treat him how he deserves to be treated. He is my King, and I his Queen. It's about time I act like it dammit!
Something that I will work on is remembering things. I'm going to keep a diary of the things me and him do so I never forget anything that happened (fuck my shitty memory). I don't want him to feel as if I forgot because it didn't matter. I actually try to savor the time I spend with him and sometimes I don't want to sleep because I don't want to waste any of the precious time we share. I had a habit if forgetting exactly how people look, it may sound weird, but I do. He's like the only person I can always imagine and remember. From his scent, to envisioning him, to the sound of his voice I can imagine/remember perfectly. I think its because I look at him and sniff him so much XD
But yeah, he's the greatest guy in the world and it doesn't get better than this. I will always want him and even as we grow old together, he will keep me young. We will both have young spirits and I will never let my love fade as some people do. I can't wait for me and him to get the hell out of our parents houses XD

Religion...What If...

I will not express my personal beliefs religion-wise tonight. I will however, talk about a possible explanation as to how they came to be. Ok yes this is a controversial topic, and yes you will think of this as blasphemous but I couldn't help but wonder...

Maybe religions were initially intended to just give people hope and something to live for. Maybe they were made to give people strength and to encourage them to do right by others. I'd like to think that at one time we did have some type of humanity and attempted to give people hope in times of turmoil. If that meant lying to people, well then so be it. We do it to ourselves and to each other all the time.

Sometimes we deem something "lucky" and believe it has some type of way of making things go the way we want it to. But really, holding that charm just gives you the extra boost of confidence you needed in the first place. Or it could be possible that you believed it would help so much, it actually did. We give people and objects the power we put into them. Look at the crucifix. Many people believe it will protect them from evil along with prayers or Holy Water, when it could just be the power they put into those things. I think that belief is an incredibly powerful thing.

I think that The Bible may not have been literal but was intended to inspire people to believe in themselves. Maybe the story of David and Goliath was meant to symbolize David as us and Goliath as our troubles and worries. The Bible may have been made to promote doing right by others and that karma always has a way of coming back to you. I think that Heaven and Hell could actually be karma; you know how many people believe Heaven and Hell exist on Earth? So when you do right by others, it may not pay off quickly, but it sure will in the long run. Or when you do something horrible and bad things keep happening to you... Some may say, "Oh, I know a ton of bad people who have great lives," but you can't possibly know that unless you are those people. Everyone has their demons. People put façades on all the time and may act like everything is going great when really, they're not. After all, doing wrong by people will work your conscience eventually. If your conscience doesn't get the better of you, I would never envy you or want your life because that would make you numb. And being numb may sound good sometimes, but believe me, feeling nothing is worse than feeling all the pain in the world.
I thought about God and the forgiveness of sins and I think maybe that was intended to help people for when they make mistakes and guilt gets the better of them. Sometimes it can be very taxing to hold guilt in for a long time, but this way we can feel that we are forgiven and are able to expel our guilt and keep living our lives. Forgiveness is also a very powerful thing that can make the most tortured person feel some type of relief.

That being said, the church (like The Bible) may have been intended to inspire people and bring them together. I attended a private school when I was younger and it felt good to hear inspiring sermons the pastor gave us. Those sermons helped me and made me feel better about Life. That is how church should be. But most churches now seem very hierarchical and hypocritical. Which will bring me to the next topic of the perversion of The Bible and church.

-Keep in mind, this was just something I thought of last night and by no means am I saying that this is the absolute truth and there is no God and yadda yadda yadda. Notice how I keep saying "maybe." It is just something that popped into my head.-
Now, on with how The Bible and church got screwed up lol. Maybe (lol even though I actually do believe in this) people who sought power decided to take advantage of religions by acting like they were messengers of God. They decided to build their churches and scare people into giving them money in order to be saved, such as the Roman Catholic Church during the 1500s (which sparked the Protestant Reformation). And speaking of the Catholic Church, they support this point with their pope. The pope is the head of the Catholic Church and not only that, but the leader of Vatican City. The church has absolute elective monarchy over Vatican City, which means they pretty much run the lives of everyone that lives there. Over history, how many churches advised monarchs and pretty much ran countries and governments?
This brings me to how The Bible got screwed up too. Of course, with The Bible passing through so many people's hands, things are going to get changed and switched around. No matter what anyone says, The Bible is not the same Bible as the one first created. People changed it over time to their liking and to give them power accordingly. Look at 1 Timothy 2:12 for example: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent." Are you serious? If according to The Bible that we are "all equal in God's eyes" than why shouldn't women be able to teach and why must she remain silent? Hypocrites I tell you!!!

I will try to end this on a good note though because I could go on and on about this topic but I am not. It was just a thought I had, so don't get mad and say that I'm saying God isn't real. I was just saying what if this was how things started with religion. I do feel that all of The Bible isn't true and churches have and still are taking advantage of people. But what if God and Lucifer may not be external forces, but forces within us. There is a Buddhist belief that Buddha isn't someone to worship or some big bald dude that's always smiling; but that Buddha is within us and that it is up to us to channel him and our happiness. Buddha can be symbolic of goodwill and happiness within us. Lucifer can be symbolic of sin/wrong doings within us. God can be symbolic of the love and good in our hearts. Maybe it's just up to us to choose to channel those things through "The God in us" to obtain happiness and our Heaven here on Earth. After all, don't they say God and Lucifer live within us all? What do you guys think?
I think that this is the end of this blog, so goodnight bloggers,
Luna

Parenting and My Father Today...

I will continue my post about me later. Tonight, I want to make a post about parenting.
For those of you out there that are reading this and have children, I want you to pay attention. No, I am not a parent, but yes I have parents and even though I'm only 19 I know more than my parents know when it comes to affection and showing love.
Of course, parents want to be affectionate and caring and nurturing while their child is a baby and toddler. Most people think that this is when it's most crucial. It is crucial but you also have to be all those things when your child grows into an adolescence and teenager. Your child is developing and going through so many changes. Show them that yes, their body may be changing and they are growing and taking on responsibilities, but you will always be there to help and love them.
On the flip side, you can't be a pushover either. It's ok to spoil your child but when they get to he age that they can do for themselves, by all means teach them and show them the way. You can't be there to do everything for them forever. There will be a day when your child will need to move out and get their own place and fend for themselves. I have a friend whose parents baby the person so much, they don't know how to do anything for themselves and the person is 19!
When it comes to discipline, the best thing you can do is punish your child. Don't beat them! Beating your child will only result in your child resenting you and it can damage them not only physically but mentally too. Punishment is especially effective in our times considering the roles technology has in our daily lives. Kids love their game consoles, computers and phones. So think of it as an investment if you buy them that X Box 360 heh.
I want to come back to the subject of affection, because that is huge in raising your child. No matter what, a child will always have a bond with its parents. You are our heroes, who we look up to, and our influences. It hurts when we beg for attention from you and you turn away or act like we aren't there. Sometimes, that's why we act out. We want to be heard. We want you to look at us. We want you to speak to us. Yes, some of you have jobs and are tired after coming home from a nine to five, but it only takes a few seconds to ask "How was your day, sweetie?" or to say "Hello." when you come through the door or "Goodnight." before you fall asleep.
It is also a must to know your children and trust them. Get them to trust you too. I was almost shocked when I realized how much my boyfriend's mother knew him. My parents don't know me or care to know me and they just expect the worst from me. It's frustrating because I try to talk with them, but they don't listen. It still kind of amazes me how my boyfriend's mother knows him so well, but I think that's how it should be. You also shouldn't take something your child told you in confidence and use it against them later because all the trust they had in you will be gone. Try your best to be open minded too because we are in a different time from when you were a child and things have changed, so try to go with the flow of things rather than against it. Try to be understanding and look at things from your child's eyes. So give your child certain freedoms and trust. Not too early, but not too late either.

My father and mother plan to separate from each other and ever since my mother told my father he has been acting distant from not only my mom but me and my siblings as well. He doesn't say "Hello." anymore or "Goodnight." I can't even remember the last time I heard either of my parents say, "I love you." and it hurts so much. Yes, I'm 19 and I usually spend the weekends with my boyfriend. Yes, I am an adult, but that doesn't mean I don't want their love. I have been there for the both of them these past difficult months and I haven't taken any sides. I listen to them both vent, say petty things, and fight. I am always in the middle, but I always greet them and do things for them. I always ask "How was your day?" but I feel like they don't even care. I feel like they don't even recognize me as their daughter, but someone who cooks and cleans for them and listens to their problems. Someone who puts in and picks up their prescriptions for high blood pressure medicine. Someone who always fixes what needs fixing. Someone to put the DVD in the player and to bring them hot or cold tea when they please.

I think I just feel heartbroken today because my father has been ignoring me and my mother completely. He doesn't look at us or talk to us. If we ask him anything we have to say it a few times then he will ask, "Oh you were talking to me?" Today I made two different dinners because my father is a vegetarian and my mother isn't and she wanted pork chops for dinner. I was frying up her pork chops and boiling her sweet potatoes while I was frying up chicken to go in a salad for him. He knew I was making him a salad. Then when I served it to him he said he didn't want it. I felt so horrible. I still do. I can't even eat right now because I'm so upset. The logical side of me knows its him acting up, but the neurotic side of me feels like it' my fault he feels this way. It just makes me sick to my stomach that everything around me is crumbling and there's nothing I can do to make it stop or at least make my parents smile. To be able to make them smile at least once a day would bring me some joy. To hear a "Thank you," or "I love you." would make this pain less. I am grateful that they let me live in this house when I don't have a job and I am grateful they let me spend the weekends with my boyfriend and let him come over as well. I just wish they could realize I may be kind of lazy but I'm waking up and snapping out if it. I may not be the best, but I am definitely not the worst either. I wish they were grateful for having me around because it sucks working your ass off, only to feel at the end of the day that you have accomplished nothing.
(And kids, show your parents you love them too because being a parent who feels unloved hurts just as much as a child that feels the same way)
So parents: love, hug, kiss, and show that your children are cherished. Children, follow suit. Life is too short not to give and receive love. Remember, Love=Happiness!!!!
On that note, Goodnight Bloggers
Love Luna

Hello There...

Well...I will start off by introducing myself. You can call me Luna. I'm a 19-year-old girl who lives in New York. I am not in college currently but I did graduate from High School with a crappy ass Regents Diploma. I'm trying my best to find a job because I want to get an apartment already.
I love all types of art: from drawing and painting, to music and dance, to designing and creating clothes, to the culinary arts. I'm not much of a painter or musician (even though I would LOVE to be in a band!) but I love drawing, cooking and making things. I can be hella creative when I'm not being lazy.
My taste in music is very eclectic. I grew up on oldies from the '50s and '60s and on salsa and merenge. My father listened to Jazz and Old School R&B. My sister introduced me to the R&B and Hip Hop of the '90s and some of the '80s as well. I also learned about House, Reggae, and Calypso music from her. My brother was pretty much like me and listened to all of the above. In High School I started listening to Rock, Metal, Alternative, Trance, Techno, J Pop and J Rock. I even like some German bands. But anyway, this is not a blog about music so, I digress.
I love reading, writing, learning, and traveling. I'm pretty shy and not socially inclined so this is a way for me to express my thoughts. I don't know why but I'm way better at this than talking to someone face-to-face or on the phone. I just get so nervous and I don't know why. When I was younger it was way worse and I used to get so nervous I would vomit O_O Lucky for me I have become somewhat more comfortable in my skin and that doesn't happen anymore.
Well anyway, I am super tired and I need some sleep. I will continue this another time...Goodnight bloggers,
Luna